What's up, me again, maybe not too sad this time

    

    I've been doing good. I have moments where I'm taken by indescribable fear and twisted into a monster, but my monstrous state amounts to a chihuahua. You can punt a chihuahua. Really the problem is that I turn molehills into mountains and anxiety is frankly an asshole. 

    At this point, I'm just frustrated with myself. It's ridiculous, I let some dumb brain-changing chemicals warp my perceptions and make me delusional. Shadow work sucks, it's like a constant discussion with the worst part of yourself. Having my shadow be more of a constant in my life is like dealing with a child:

    "Nobody likes me" it screams

    "Sure bud," I say

    "I'm being abandoned"

    "You don't need attention constantly man"

  It's a cycle, this kid won't shut up and let me live. Right now is the best my life has been and really it's gonna get much better, so I shouldn't let some stupid shit get in the way of me living. Yeah yeah, you reader can see the contradiction, I'm gonna come back and complain about my problems even more. Spell it out in emo format and cry for a bit. Right now though, I'm done trying to find a way to fix myself, it takes time and I want to live. My blog has always been my space, and maybe that space won't be as fucking depressing anymore. 

    I want to feel better, and I'm trapping myself by lingering on my emotional state. Things will be better and I will find stability.

        P.S. Hey yeah, you know who you are. Sitting there all cute, reading this blog. You smell great and your eyes shine with an undeniably gorgeous glow. How does it feel being the most beautiful boy? Just curious, would like an answer soon though.