“For someone like myself in whom the ability to trust others is so cracked and broken that I am wretchedly timid and am forever trying to read the expression on people's faces.”

    

 I finally have a purpose again. I finally have a goal, I finally feel complete. I actually want to do something with my life, and I've never had that! I'm going to get into art school if It fucking kills me, I will be an artist. It's been my passion my entire life, I need to do this. Anyways, life has been getting easier (I mean as much as i can be). Mentally it's never easy but socially and I guess aspiration wise, it's getting easy.

    every day I still hope for some connection, people like me and all but i want something real. Completely and utterly real. Sounds vain, but really anyone I want I could get, but no one has given me those fireworks I long for. Maybe one day, but for now I'll wait for the fourth of July. It'll come soon, I know for certain.

        “Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.”
― Plato 

 

                            Ace Of Cups

love, new feelings, emotional awakening, creativity, spirituality, intuition

“Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides.”

   

  

                Et tu, Brute?

 

“If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you're allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.”
― Shannon L. Alder

"In order to deceive others, we explain with theory after theory, but it all ends in laughter and sometimes we even amuse ourselves before god laughs"

     I wonder if they still dream of me, maybe think of me, even a tad bit. I just want to know if I made a small impact on their life. That must sound egoistical. It's almost like it was a campfire, you don't remember every campfire you make, but sometimes the moments stick, I want to be that campfire in their mind. I just want to hope they still think of me, even a little bit, I guess it'd bring me peace.

                        I don't understand why I look for love, maybe it's to distract myself from my crippling isolation? who knows. I don't know why I isolate myself either to be honest. I'll get so anxious that I'll just lock myself up in my own mind-prison. It's unhealthy, I know, but to be honest I don't know how to stop. I'm always happy when I go out but it just scares me. I don't know how to explain it properly. Anyhow, I've been trying to chill out as of recently, like to become someone I'd like to be around. Hey, I'm stuck with myself, might as well be someone I enjoy being around. Life is strange, I wish I fully got it, but really I don't get it one bit.

 

               You wait, little girl, on an empty stage
                        For fate to turn the light on
                                    Your life, little girl, is an empty page
                                            That men will want to write on

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 King of Wands

leadership, vision, big picture, taking control, daring decisions, boldness, optimism

          

        “I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love.”
― Marilyn Monroe 

 

 

“There is an ocean of silence between us… and I am drowning in it.”

     I have wished for a lot of things in my life, but I always focus on love. I don't understand why my heart sings the melodies of love songs or hopes for someone to hold me. It always gets thrown back to me anyway, some rip it into a million and one pieces. My heart is fragile, but it flies everywhere. I can't catch it. 

    Every time I like someone, they usually like me back and end being a complete ass or shit talk me. I don't get it. I don't get why no one really feels that fire for me and why that fire never stays. I hate the loneliness that festers inside of me, I just want someone to feel how I feel

                    10 of cups, ironic card to get

    It represents fortunate marriage, contentment of the heart, and the perfection of human love and friendship

ΚΑΛΛΙΣΤΗΙ