I was supposed to be having the time of my life

             I've had the realization that I long for shitty relationships. I have been so used to being hurt and used by people that I guess that I expect it. I long for a roller-coaster of love and heartbreak, there's a part of me that feels comfort in being hurt by a boy who only cares for himself. The worst part is that I feel the need to fix someone, I can feel the bruised boys hurting and I want to patch them up and show them what love is.      

                        But whenever something good is staring me the face, a nice boy who wants to take care of me, I can't help but turn away. I long for the ones that seem distant and lonely, the ones I know will hurt me and tear every part of me apart. I want to love someone who will be good for me, and maybe one day I will. I want to let myself love someone who won't hurt me, but every time, I go for the gators with the razor sharp teeth. The ones who will rip me limb from limb and leave me for dead. But, I long to fix those monsters, even if they can never be fixed.

  “You are damaged and broken and unhinged.      But so are shooting stars and comets.”

“The same thing happened over and over: I would catch sight of some flawless man in the distance, but as soon as he moved closer I immediately saw he wouldn’t do at all.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar