Saturday, April 22, 2023

“What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love.”



     I believe that most days my fate is to be Ophelia. Maybe I'm stupid to give myself a primitive and uncharacteristic role. However, I maintain the expectation that my fate is to drown for love. I don't want to die, the only thing I truly fear is death. This comparison in truth is purely metaphorical, I want to be drowned in someone's love. I think I love too much, I've been told it's my best quality but I really don't know at this point. I utterly believe that no one has ever loved me. Like romantic love. No one has fallen in love with me, but I have fallen for people. I hope to one day experience what it's like to be loved, complete love. I want to feel what it's like. Maybe I am psyche. Hopefully soon I'll find Eros. But for now I'll wait. 

        Other than my usual romantic troubles that plague me. I've been fairly productive, I'm an absolute wiz at cleaning. It's weirdly very calming, It gives me control that I enjoy. I can't control everything in my life, but being tidy I can control. I love keeping tidy, It makes me feel good.

                                                    I bet I sound completely everywhere, well it's my blog and I can write what I want.

 

“The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.”
Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov  

 


 Four of Swords

Rest, relaxation, meditation, contemplation, recuperation 

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