Living means knowing sadness, use that sadness to sharpen the fangs of your heart.

     “She was cold by nature, self-love predominating over passion; rather than being virtuous, she preferred to have her pleasures all to herself.”
― Émile Zola, Pot Luck

 

    I'm cold, I'm a cold distant person. I've been like this for years. I don't tell people how I feel, not even my parents. But, I don't mind this, I feel when people ask what's wrong they are prying too much. I don't mind having hidden emotions. I don't like people knowing what's wrong, it's like being a mystery novel, I'll tell people things if I really feel I have to. But other than that, I'm content being distant. The issue is when people don't get that, I'm fine being like this and sometimes I don't want to talk about my emotions. 

  The Chariot is a card about overcoming conflicts and moving forward in a positive direction. One needs to keep going on and through sheer hard work and commitment he will be victorious.

“I felt so lonesome, all of a sudden. I almost wished I was dead.”

    I find loneliness both comforting and terrifying. I want to tell people what I'm feeling, my thoughts, my dreams maybe even my fears. But, I don't want to, I like my distant solitude, I like people not knowing what I'm feeling, it makes it easier to connect when people don't know what's happening. Maybe one day I'll find someone who gets me, I know, I express that a lot. 

I'm still a silent director, I don't exactly know how to change, I think I just grow. That's the only way I've found that has worked. you learn to live with your worst traits and the pain you feel. Well, I'm not in pain, I don't feel much, I let what happens, happens. I think at this point my catchphrase is "Shit happens"

Who knows, life is weird.

Eight of wands

Quick action, receiving news, gaining momentum, exciting times

It's cold

     Sometimes I wonder if the people around me are as observant as me. do people notice the small things others do? I pay too much attention. It kills me in small ways. I see life as an observer. I've met no one like me. Some days I wish that someone could just understand. I want people to see what I see, to be observers. But everyone is so in the moment. I wonder if there is anyone like me. Someone so silent and aware.Life goes on though, maybe I'll grow out of this and maybe, I'll meet someone like me.

The Tower is commonly interpreted as meaning danger, crisis, destruction, and liberation. It is associated with sudden unforseen change.

The princess of tragedy; The queen of cans and jars

Valentine's day

Yesterday was valentine's day. I've always loved the holiday, love, chocolate and most importantly the enjoyment of watching others hearts break. The misery of valentine's day is satisfying, yes, I sound psychotic. In my defense, it's really funny. Every girl expects something and the lucky ones get that something. It's the most perfect day for every form of heartbreak.

Love is tragic, that's what I love about it. I love tragedy, I mean look at me, I've built myself around the idea of being tragic. Love is the most painful emotion and on valentine's day it brings its battalion. I love how unperfect it is, when love is supposed to be perfect, it is the complete opposite. Hearts break far too easily. It's enjoyable to say the least. 

I'm the queen of cans and jars