Obituary of an Older Brother

 Obituary of an Older Brother

There's a lump in my throat

That scratches and bites

She calls it bitter and vicious

I call it love

It makes her cry when it uses

Its hoarse voice and spits on her sympathy

I wish it could crawl out and shriek 

Until everything turns bright blue and beet red

It could tell you that you're a bastard,

Living in powder pink dreams

Longing to find the next spirit

To inhabit your bed

To infest your ribcage

To break your bones

How I gave you the highest honor in my head

Crowns of ivy and robes with stars woven into them

I met you

I burned the portrait I had painted, the robes and the ivy

How you left and came back,

In a purposeless race,

A grand prix with no prize

Searching for caramel cigarettes

And love from a consignment store

50, 20, 10 percent off

How you found comfort in white porch steps,

Silver seas and fleas;

You called them home

Can you feel my teeth in your side?

The anger that swells and pools at your feet;

how it burns and blemishes

Or should I keep that lump in my throat

Push it deep down, let it not make a peep

Blink away the pain on heavy eyelashes

“Could you come home?”

The lump whispers