Are you the Devil? I am you.

   I would hope I'm an interesting person. I mean I try to be. I like absurdist movies, poetry, and art. I love the macabre and occult. I am fascinated by philosophy and psychology. But I'm also a huge geek, Godzilla, comic books, and cult classics. I love all of that stuff with all of it mixed into me, like a soup. 

        One of my favorite movies is Belladonna of Sadness. It's a Japanese avant-garde movie that makes the artist in me squeal. Every scene is a breathtaking watercolor painting that depicts the main character's struggles with womanhood. Whenever I get to share Belladonna of sadness with people I get giddy knowing I introduced something new to someone.

        another thing I love is exorcisms. I think the practice and the absurdity around Catholicism are super interesting. Like saints and demons, super cool. 

    All the things I love are parts of me; but still, I hide. I put them to the side hoping to keep up my persona. I've started to loathe the persona, yeah it's how I talk to people, but being an almost different person tires you out. I'm a nervous quiet shut-in, who'd rather be doing anything else than having to delude myself. Because that's all I'm doing, deluding things I love for the sake of being able to talk and have friends. I'm trying to let it go, and give myself the grace to be who I want to be, but I'm far too intertwined with it. I'm trying, I swear I am. It'll get better and eventually,

I won't rely on a persona to function in social situations.