Wednesday, March 13, 2024

I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want

     If I wasn't such a worrier, I think I'd be unstoppable. I hate having a giant pit in my stomach, I'm only seeing the bad of everything, I'm seeing the worst parts of myself and all the mistakes I could make. 

                    I worry about my health and devolving into a pile of blood infecting a hospital bed. I worry about my appearance, if my view of myself is a lie I sooth myself with. I worry if the person I love will leave me and leave my heart ruined.  I worry that once again I will be disregarded by every adult around me. I worry that once again I will feel too depressed to move.

    I just want to feel calm, I want to trust myself to feel comfortable.

“If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days.”
Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

I think going feral and letting everything help might help

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