Dispute not with her: she is lunatic.

     

    I fear myself. I fear what I keep in my rib-cage. I have no clue if it's a heart or just a vile thing covered in teeth. I fear I will sink back into tar and drown. Really, I have no real reason to be scared. I have the drive to take care of myself, people won't just abandon me and I know what I want in life. But still, I look inside my rib-cage and I see that vile mass, or at least what's left of it. I don't want to go back, I don't want to loose what I've built. I don't want to live day by day, trying to find something to live for again. That never was me, that thing was a cheap mockery. I want to live, I know what I want but I can't help but fear degradation. 

                                            I don't want to be a dog that bites out of fear, but I fear being hurt. I'm scared I'm dreaming, what if everything just washes away. I don't want to be a monster again, I love feeling. I love being alive, I love being loved. I Love what I've built for myself, I never want to loose this. That why I fear, that's why I worry about everything little.

I want to keep everything I love in a box and never let any of it go.

Recently, I have come to the understanding that I am driven by anger, rage for the treatment that people have put me through. I think that's one of the best motivators that I can have, I want to show everyone who has discarded me that I am more than a bad dog.

I'll never forget that you showed me to make art
And I know the love you showed me came
From a pure and noble heart
I love you, and if you want, I'll call you King
But why do I lie awake each night thinking
"Instead of you, it should be me"?