Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me

 

    I really hate my anxiety, I can function for two seconds without feeling intense guilt. I feel sick to my stomach, like something in my throat wishes to be free. I feel as if a monster is trying to claw it's way out of my skin. I am a hideous beast and I fear that I am no longer able to hold it all in. 

                            I know, I sound pretentious and emo, but I can't think of anyway to describe the feelings I feel. Everything in my life can be perfect, but somehow, I still end up distant by the end of the day. I am an observer, I am an alien wishing for another to find me. Maybe one day, but for now, I'll keep dreaming. 

                                                Living in the clouds isnt so bad, it's an escape from my own mind.

 

     

“I have a deeply hidden and inarticulate desire for something beyond the daily life.”

― Virginia Woolf

And now I know how Joan of Arc felt

 

“When down her weedy trophies and herself
Fell in the weeping brook. Her clothes spread wide;
And, mermaid-like, awhile they bore her up:
Which time she chanted snatches of old tunes;
As one incapable of her own distress,
Or like a creature native and indued
Unto that element: but long it could not be
Till that her garments, heavy with their drink,
Pull’d the poor wretch from her melodious lay
To muddy death."

“I shall be dumped where the weed decays, And the rest is rust and stardust”